I wasn't raised in the church. That's not to say my parents weren't believers--we just simply weren't chuch-goers. In fact, we only attended services once a year, on Easter, in the tiny rural church where my parents were married. Aside from that, I attended Vacation Bible School for one week a summer at my grandmother's small Baptist church. In my teen years, I attended youth group for a time at a local Methodist church...mainly because it was a way to socialize.
I was never baptized. Instead, I do remember sitting down at my grandma's kitchen table as she guided me through a children's workbook that ended in you reciting a prayer and signing a piece of paper that signified you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.
I remember, even at that young age, pencil in hand, that I wasn't quite sure what exactly those words meant.
Simply put, my experience with religion has been, in a lot of ways, limited.
I've always had a lot of questions. I think I always will. But time and time again, I would find myself praying during times of need. I would seek scripture when I was lost, a motivational quote about redemption whenever I felt I had strayed from my own path. I've always considered myself a Christian, but I was never sure I FELT like a Christian. I was unsure I had ever really truly felt a genuine, tangible connection with God. Sure, I went through the motions, but did I feel it? Was it real?
Then, just a couple weeks ago, at the ripe ol' age of 30, God come crashing into my life with the power of a thousand waves.
My husband called me while he was at work, a sense of urgency in his voice. He said that one of his co-workers, a woman he had grown up with, had come to him with the undeniable urge to pray for him. She wasn't sure why but dang, she felt it. Later, she returned, saying that it had become more and more clear that the urge to pray wasn't just for him, but specifically, me as well. "Would it be weird if I called your wife to pray with her? Would that be okay with her?", she asked.
Ok, quick backtrack: lately, I've been struggling. As I've mentioned here before, I've been anxious, worried, overwhelmed and stressed. In a lot of ways, I've felt lost and at my wit's end, struggling to stay afloat in an often turbulent sea. But like I said--God seems to know what to do with those waves.
Taylor gave his co-worker my number and I remember feeling faintly nervous as my phone began to ring. I had absolutely no experience with this kind of thing. As soon as I answered, though, I began to feel completely at ease. This woman was so warm and full of infectious energy.
"God wants you to know, you'll be okay, Kaley. He has you. And He has your son, too. He will lead a long, full, healthy life. He'll have the best doctors and receive the best treatment. He will be okay."
Then, she began to pray. She was powerful, she was forceful. We were both in tears by the end of that brief phone call.
Whew. Y'all. Talk about a burden being lifted. The air got sweeter and my body felt lighter. I felt, somehow, in that moment, free.
Hudson's diagnosis has weighed heavily on me since that moment at the doctor's office, test results in hand and a million questions dancing in my head. I've worried myself, literally to the point of getting sick, wringing my hands, wondering if he would be alright, if we all would.
Now though? Now, I feel at peace.
As she prayed over me, I found myself reaching my hands out, palms facing forward, literally overcome by His presence. Guys, I'm telling you, I had GOOSEBUMPS! This was a totally new, exciting, unnerving experience for me. I've spent time in church before, watching people with their hands outreached, wondering what the heck it was that they were feeling and why I didn't feel it, too.
Listen, none of us are on the same path. We don't experience the same things at the same time. Our journeys are unique, intrinsic and essential. Some of us have shorter distances to run while some of us have to take a few detours.
God spoke to me just when I needed it the most. He chose to wrap me up and warm my soul just when that soul of mine was especially tender and vulnerable.
"I once was lost but now, I'm found."
I'm far from perfect. I have a lot to learn. This journey will take time, just as most journeys do.
But man, I'm glad He's on the path beside me.
I'm glad I was able to connect with Him and reconnect with myself.
I'm glad I felt joy in that moment.
I'm glad I felt peace and feel it still.
I'm glad those waves came crashing in.
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