Dear young, impressionable, a-little-too-carefree Kaley,
Listen. You're almost 30 now. You are in no way perfect but it's true what they say: hindsight is 20/20. Even at your age now, it wouldn't hurt you to revisit this advice every now and then. You have an incredible journey ahead of you. Take a deep breath. You'll be okay. You got this.
You probably don't believe me, but it gets better.
Then it gets harder.
Then it gets better again.
Life is not meant to be easy but it's meant to be lived. Wasting your time and energy on the drama of today will impede you from enjoying the beauty of tomorrow.
That boy that broke your heart at 16? One day, it'll be hard to even pick him out of a crowd. Seriously. You will be okay. Stop crying and definitely stop playing that sad song on repeat.
Study harder. Care more. Pour that time you spend on trying to fit in on trying to get the most out of this education you are sooo lucky to receive. (Ugh, dad? Is that you?)
Thinking you have to dress a certain way to get a guy to like you is straight trash. The one worth your time sees the size of your heart, not your boobs. And while you're at it, chill out on the bronzer, you look like a glittery Donald Trump.
Don't be in such a hurry to grow up. One day, you'll be blessed with a beautiful life and a son that captures your heart from the moment you first know he's there. Let that happen in it's own time. For now, enjoy the rent-free, bill-free, no-real-responsibility-kinda-life you got goin' because lemme tell you, girl, this whole adulting thing ain't always where it's at. In fact, this is the easy part.
On that note, when you make a rushed decision at the age of 21 and move into an apartment you absolutely cannot afford, remember what your parents told you as you sit on the bedroom floor crying into your Ramen noodles, literally the only groceries you can afford to buy. They were right. They usually are.
Save your money. Believe it or not, you don't have to have to eat out all the time. And you definitely don't have to spend $100 on a pair of designer jeans, baby, WHAT IS YOU DOIN'?
When you get to college, take it seriously. This is when real life starts to begin. And believe it or not...it's only starting. Think about it. You are mortgage free, no credit card debt. You have no diapers to buy, no mouths to feed other than your own, no 9-5 you have to work. But soon enough, you will. Have fun, learn who you are, but savor the fact that you'll never get this simple freedom back again.
Because let's be honest, right now you're stuck between being a totally dependent child and a real, full-fledged adult. And don't get me wrong, that's hard and so, so confusing. But there is a special beauty in this stage of your life. Enjoy being able to sleep in on the weekends, hang out with your friends at the drop of a hat and go through life with a perpetual messy bun (I mean, every day can be Causal Friday, amirite?)
Also, you're there to learn. I know, I know, I sound like I'm 80. And you should totally have fun, learn from your mistakes, yada, yada. But centering your college career around frat parties is not a good look. If you can consistently look in the mirror and know you're being the best possible version of yourself that you can be, that this is truly who you are and want to be, have at it. But if you're going home knowing that your mama raised you better, reevaluate.
I've said it here before and I'll say it again, a GUY. DOES. NOT. DETERMINE. YOUR. WORTH. If he doesn't want to commit, move on and save yourself the heartache. If he treats you like complete and utter crap, hello, red flag and darlin', you ain't gonna change him. Aaaand I'm sorry, but the love of your life probably isn't the guy about to puke on his girl-of-the-night at the beer pong table. Expect more and expect better.
Go to class. If you think it's hard to get up for a 9 AM lecture, I hate to burst your bubble...but getting up for an 8-hour workday at your stressful job at 6 AM five days a week is harder. And meeting deadlines for a research paper? Yes, that's hella stressful. But so is managing endless bills, keeping your fridge stocked, paying car insurance, doing your taxes, running errands and maintaining a savings account all in one day because yes, emergencies will happen and no, mama won't handle it for you. It's time to grow up, kid. Put on your big girl pants and make each day your B. Life is happening.
You don't need alcohol to have fun. Sure, it's gonna happen, but don't let yet a drink totally define your confidence. That mentality of thinking people only like you when you're drinking, or maybe even liking yourself more when you're drinking, is a lie you've made yourself believe. It's a false sense of security and honestly, it's crap. Know your limits. Learn to say no. Love yourself as you are. You are a good person with a good head on your shoulders. Use it.
If you’re failing your midterms but your social life is poppin’, take a second and think. When you get asked “what’s the move tonight?,” maybe you should move that ass to the library.
Don't expect people to treat you with respect if you don't treat yourself with it.
Get to know God. Learn to pray. Believe in His plan. Have faith. Hit your knees when you need to.
Stick to your morals. Never, EVER let someone force you to do something you're not ready for. You know yourself. You know your heart. Don't become what someone else wants you to be. Instead, evolve into the person that would make you and you alone the proudest.
Just because they're doing it, doesn't mean you should, too.
Stay a kid at heart. Revel in the little things like a walk in the park, dancing around the kitchen, the smell of fresh flowers and dessert before dinner.
Begin each day with a grateful soul. You have been given a whole new day to start life all over again. Savor that sunshine creeping in through your window, the sounds of birds chirping, the purr of the coffee pot. Cleanse your mind. Breathe. Today is another chance to change. Today is another chance to do it right.
Work out. Go for a run. Take your stress out on the weight bench. Do whatever you need to do to improve your body because it will improve your mind.
If they make you feel inferior, they are not your friends.
If you put yourself in dangerous situations, don't be surprised when danger finds you.
You think you're grown...you are not.
Literally, your brain is not even fully developed. Stop thinking you know everything.
Again, for God's sake girl, SIT DOWN AND STUDY.
...but also make time for fun. Treat yourself. Have a girls day. Get dressed up. Balance. Is. Key.
Speak with kindness.
Hang out with your mom and dad.
If you have opportunities to travel, take them.
Make your own decisions, even the stupid ones.
*But pay close attention to how you feel about yourself after you make them.*
And lastly, never forget where you came from. Don't lose sight of who you are and who you were raised to be. Somewhere deep inside you is that curly-haired little girl with a love for Barbies, Barney and sidewalk chalk.
Don't lose her.
Do her proud.
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