Oh, young me

Oh, young me.

Sometimes, I wish I could meet you. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could whoop your...😉

I wish you were wiser. I wish you were braver.

I wish you would have stood up for yourself and stayed true to who are.

I wish you would have prayed more.

Hindsight is 20/20, y’all. Who we are as teenagers or young adults is often a semblance of the person we grow to become.

That growth is a beautiful thing. 

I wish 20-year-old me would have seen people’s true colors and believed it the first time.

I wish she wouldn’t have handed out second chances like candy.

I wish she would have stayed grounded and not let herself get so lost, so caught up in the mess.

I wish she would have been a leader and not a follower.

*I wish she would have loved herself.*

Honestly, there’s a million things I could have done things differently. There’s so many decisions I wouldn’t have made, so many people I wouldn’t have wasted my time on.

But at the same time?

I’m so thankful.

So thankful for that young girl with the low self-esteem that allowed herself to grow and thrive.

So thankful for that girl that took each lesson and learned from it, packed it away in the back of her mind like a diary waiting to be found.

So thankful for the bad choices that led to good ones, the heart that I let mend, the brokenness that I allowed to become whole again.

Because without that girl, I wouldn’t have this life. I wouldn’t have this love. I wouldn’t be the person God grabbed by the shoulders and said “this is not who I created you to be.” 

I listened. I looked around, saw who I had become, who I allowed into my precious heart, and I listened. I reevaluated. And I agreed.

My journey isn’t over. It’s far from perfect and I’m still growing and changing, even at 30-years-old! But y’all, I don’t know that vulnerable girl anymore. I don’t know that feeling of being lost in the crowd, knowing I could be better but still not allowing myself to change.

Because one day, I woke up and said “I can do better. I will still fail, I will still fall, but I will not stay on that ground for long. I will keep moving, keep growing, keep evolving. I will keep on.”

Sis, that’s called grace. Give some to yourself. Give some to others. And keep on.

Be better.

Not perfect. You’ll never be perfect!

But, sister.

Just. Be. Better.