Yesterday was hard. Really hard.
I got up with Hudson, started the day with his morning dose of medications and a cold cup of coffee, continuing to try (and fail) at breaking him of his bottle habit.
I, for possibly the thousandth time, sat down and researched different ways to finally get him to make the switch. I then spent additional time wondering how I could possibly withhold his bottle from him (the first recommendation to get your child to give it up) if he refuses to drink from a cup and his condition relies on him being constantly hydrated.
*I then wondered out loud, for the millionth time, why us? Why my sweet boy? Why this disorder? Just why?*
Next, I spent an hour hunched over my laptop working on my part-time online job before rushing to get ready and head out the door for my part-time office job.
I worked 4 hours in office, came home, and realized I forgot to fold that morning’s load of towels so I could move over the soaked load of Hud’s clothes from the night before.
Later, after cleaning up a bit and finally tackling that never ending load of dishes, I tried to continue working my online job while juggling all of my son’s needs, hoping and praying my insanely hard working husband and my stepkids weren’t having to step in and help too much as Hud ran full speed around the house, demanding the attention I so desperately wanted to give him as i worked.
Next, I sat on the couch, neck massager in hand, (hi, I’m 30!) praying for a moment to myself...and then feeling incredibly guilty about it.
Finally, I fed Hudson his dinner, got him ready for bed, gave his nighttime dose of meds, brushed his teeth and put him down to sleep, only to immediately bust the laptop back out and work until 2 this morning.
I cried, y’all. I just sat on the couch, half asleep, staring at the screen in front of me, and cried.
As parents, we constantly second guess our decisions. We put one thing off to accomplish another. We stress about bills, our jobs, whether our kids are on track or falling behind.
We are jugglers, we are master multi-taskers.
We are strong, we are weak.
We are overjoyed, we are overwhelmed.
We wonder how we’re gonna do it and then we remind ourselves why we do it.
We overthink, we over analyze.
And more often than not, we do it silently.
Check in on your mama (and daddy!) friends, especially during this insane, unprecedented time.
Just because they keep going doesn’t mean they can’t break down.
Even the most well-engineered cars in the world need a tune up every now and then.
You’re a Ferrari, mama.
But it’s ok to slow down.
-Kaley
-Kaley
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