I am not that mom.
I am not that mom that can look at their kid's clutter and think "that's okay. My house is lived in."
I am not that mom that can watch as her sweet babies throw toys around, ripping through the playroom like a tiny diaper-clad Tazmanian devil, and say to myself "One day, I'll miss the mess."
I am not that mom that can go to bed with a playpen brimming with out of place Legos, unwashed dishes or unorganized toy boxes.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that mom. I wish I was that mom. I want to be that mom. But ladies, you can't be something that you're not.
I won't ever miss the mess. I will, however, miss the nighttime cuddles, the bouncy ball flying through the air as my son squeals with happiness, the peek-a-boo with pillows and the twirling around the bedroom to a "baby dance party" playlist.
That mess though? The toys scattered all over the floor, the walker in the middle of the living room, the books thrown off shelves, the blankets yanked out of their basket? Y'all, my pulse is racing just thinking about it!
To me, a clutter-free home equals a clutter-free mind. It calms me. It allows me to breathe a little deeper, think a little clearer. I feel like my blood pressure legit skyrockets at the sight of disorder in my home and chaos in the kitchen. It's not a matter of disliking my kids making the mess. It's a matter of having to clean it up immediately after they're done.
Yes, hello, anxiety? It's me again.
All I can see is that mess. If I don't immediately pick up after my son, I think about the mess. I tell myself to relax, to mop the floor in the morning or clean the highchair tray later, but I don't have peace until it's done and y'all, this mama needs that peace pronto!
I used to think something was wrong with me. That I was alone in feeling this way. That no one else could possibly understand the feeling of anxiety creeping up and stealing moments of joy away from me over something as simple and unimportant as an unmade bed or an out-of-place sippy cup.
But then I realized something. We're all wired in different ways. God knows we need peace to function, especially as parents. He knows we need grace to muster up the energy for another day of working, feeding, diaper changes, temper tantrums and baby breakdowns.
You can't drink from an empty cup. And if a clean kitchen and spot-free playroom refills that cup for you, well by all means, get to pouring, girl!
Do what brings you peace. Find those little joys in life and keep chasing after them. Take a deep breath and conquer those anxieties thrown at you throughout the day, even the ones you can't quite explain. It may be exhausting to beat those worries, to try and ward off that stress, but nobody said life would be easy, they just said it would be worth it.
And if keeping your space clean helps bring some stillness to your soul, some calm to the storm?
It allows you to be a more present mama, a happier wife?
It brings a little focus to an often fuzzy world?
Sis, that's worth it, too.
-Kaley
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