Let's talk body image.
There are days when I look in the mirror and I have to do a double take. My face is chubbier. My skin is dryer. My hair seems to have changed its texture and don't get me started on my thicker thighs. If I was a chicken leg, you'd wanna grab a beer and cover me in BBQ sauce, baby.
My boobs aren't where they once were. My stomach? Oh mama, my stomach. It's loose and it's stretched. I have cellulite in places I didn't know cellulite could exist. None of my old clothes fit right. I still wear maternity leggings around the house and my son is nearly 8-months-old. Try as I might, I can't button my pre-baby shorts and I am dyyyying for cooler weather so I can just throw on an oversized hoodie and call it even.
I just can't seem to make much progress and sometimes, that realization is stifling! The thought of bathing suit shopping makes me want to actively make a dentist appointment and get my teeth pulled instead. I rarely have time to do my hair and makeup and showers? What are those? Now, I think you could describe my signature scent as spit-up mixed with a splash of Victoria's Secret body spray and y'all, ain't nobody trying to bottle that perfume up!
I've cried real tears because nothing on my body is where it was. I gained 40 pounds with Hudson and plateaued after losing 20. There's a scar where there used to be tan lines. What was once loose and flowy is now tiny and tight. My butt tends to eat my shorts and not in the totally-on-purpose-college-girl-at-a-country-festival kinda way.
It's been a struggle, ladies.
Then, awhile back, I entered a contest on Instagram to win a free photo shoot, complete with hair and makeup. When I actually got chosen, I was super excited but also a little apprehensive. I spent an afternoon with the photographer and a second, much younger and fitter contest winner, feeling super awkward and uncomfortable. I then spent the whole drive home thinking about the pooch of my stomach, how I was so sure my Spanx were visible under my dress the whole time. As talented as the photographer was, I was almost dreading getting those photos back.
And then I did.
In them, I saw something. I saw a strong mother, a wife, a lover of life and someone who perseveres. I saw real laughter. Genuine happiness. A body that may not be perfect but it brought a freaking miracle into this world so I don't know, it seems pretty wonderful to me.
I really saw myself for the first time. Not just a mother. But I saw me. And mamas, I see y'all, too. We are brave, strong, overworked, exhausted and selfless but we don't have to lose ourselves.
We are still us. We just happen to have a piece of ourselves living beside us rather than within us.
Son, you've shown me what real beauty is. It's resilience. It's strength. It's accepting who you are and growing from what you were. It's knowing true love and letting it radiate from within. It's allowing a changed body to become a changed heart.
Thanks for my glow, kid. You've made me better.
-Kaley
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